The Elevator’s Got Your Number

19 Apr

I work in an old building. There is a cafe in the basement. So, in the morning when they make breakfast burritos the entire first floor and the cargo elevator smell like chorizo. It’s disgusting. It’s a greasy, spicy smell. I love chorizo but when you are not eating it and it is being massed produced the smell borders on NAPALM.  “I love the smell of Napalm in the morning.” Gah! I exaggerate…the smell won’t kill you, it will sometimes trigger your gag reflex but any given weekday, you’ll live.

On my first day when the office manager was giving me the tour she took me to the bank of elevators in the lobby and said, “If you get stuck in the elevator just use the call button. It happens sometimes.” 

The elevators give you anywhere between a nano and millisecond to get yo ass in the elevator before it takes off from the first floor.  Some floors have more open door time than others.  Seasoned elevator riders will get in and immediately put their arm across the door to prevent it from closing on someone running to catch the car. Nice etiquette since chances are you are going to run into repeat customers on a daily. 

One day, while trying to catch the elevator on the first floor I foolishly stuck my arm between the closing doors.  I got my arm in midway between the elbow and wrist assuming the doors would just pop back open.  THEY DID NOT! They closed on my arm.  I panicked. I had to grab the doors with my free hand and wrench them apart.  In my panicked frenzy, I didn’t care that I almost spilled the contents of my purse all over the lobby.  I broke into a cold sweat.  

Do you remember that part in Hot Tub Time Machine when they are waiting to see how the bellhop is going to lose his arm?  And he gets it stuck in the elevator and they are screaming because they think he’s gonna lose his arm? Then he doesn’t? THAT’S how I felt. Only – not funny! 

A guy was getting in the elevator today on the sixth floor and he stuck his arm in to stop it from closing…I cringed.  When he got in, I told him my near-maim experience and we laughed.  He said, “I do it all the time.”   I said, “Well, good luck brother, I will NEVER do it again.” 

The elevator says who. The elevator says when.

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Posted by on April 19, 2012 in Uncategorized


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